"Get Over It"

I see a lot of harsh feelings against people who have had some sort of trauma. Rape victims, people dealing with the loss of a loved one, victims of child abuse, the military, etc. Sure, it might get old to hear someone talk about the same thing over and over again, but did it ever occur to you that whatever happened is still real to them? Maybe they can't stop talking about it because the wound is still fresh and will always be fresh in their minds. I lost my grandmother in October. I speak about it almost daily because every day, when I wake up, dealing with not seeing her again is like I find out she just died every single day. It's new everyday. I've received emails from "friends" saying, "I like what you say on Facebook and all, but I'm tired of hearing about your grandmother. Everyone loses a grandparent so get over it." I wish it was that easy. I have accepted that she is gone but I miss her so terribly. My infant son gets excited when he sees her house. He bounces up and down when he sees her pictures; he doesn't know that they are pictures so he will often yell at the pictures when he doesn't hear, "Grandma sees that baby, yes she does!" I haven't visited her grave.Not just because I can't get there, but also because I don't see the point. It is where her physical likeness has been laid to rest but she is not there. What purpose would be served by going? To lay flowers? Virgil wouldn't know why we're there and I would rather plant flowers at her house. I wonder why she wasn't buried there. She owned that land. My point is that I am not used to it. When you get used to a happy person all your life and suddenly you don't ever see them again, it immediately leaves a very noticeable dark cloud. There is another devastating loss that I have suffered and it's new to me everyday, even years later. I will never "get over it".

Loss aside, what about traumatic experiences? How do you "get over it" when it plays in your thoughts constantly. Don't you think they WANT to get over it? Do you think they aren't miserable with it plaguing them every day? Whatever happened to them, they didn't want it to happen. "Oh, the soldier who goes to war asked for it when he signed up to be in the military." Or, "The woman was asking to be raped when she walked by herself wearing provocative attire." That isn't the truth. The soldier signed up for an opportunity to serve his country and he knew that was possibility, but he didn't dwell on it. When the woman dressed that night, she was probably only thinking that she wanted to look beautiful and show off her figure. The grown granddaughter loved her grandmother one day at a time without even a thought that the day would come that she would never see her again. (Was the granddaughter supposed to avoid and not love her grandmother because someday she would leave this world?)

The fact is that you can't live in fear. If you think about all risks, all the time, in all that you do, then fear will consume you and you won't do anything.

My husband caused me a lot of grief and it was very traumatic. Am I going to swear off dating for all eternity because of it? No. I don't have the taste for romance right now, but maybe someday I will. I'll just swear him off. Did I ask to be hurt when I married him. No. I believe I asked that he love me and cherish me, desire only me, no matter what happens. If I had known, I doubt that I would have refused to marry him because of what good that did come out of it.

I am not over it. The things that have happened to me, I may never get over. A new wound is opened everyday for each of them. I don't have scars. I have open wounds. So the next time you tell someone to "get over it" and it's something more serious than spilling their coffee, just imagine whatever happened to them also happened to you in the exact same way. Visualize every gruesome detail happening to you. Then tell me, would YOU "get over it"?